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Adoption

Following the Call #10 – Waiting for a Decision

We waited two weeks and two days to find out.

I think I have already made it very clear how I feel about waiting, and up until this point, I really had no clue what real waiting felt like. This time the waiting wasn’t to check off a box, move forward towards the next step of the process, or to meet some arbitrary deadline I had set in my head. This time we waited for an answer to our life being radically changed. The biggest, most exciting, and terrifying change either of us had ever known. Would we be parents to three little girls all at once, or would we go on waiting for the next call?

During this time a lot was happening. We prayed fervently for these little ones. Although we desperately wanted to be chosen, we also decided to pray for the “perfect” family for these three. We wanted whatever was best for them and whatever would bring them to know Jesus. Our family and friends joined us in praying; we could feel the prayers surrounding us.

Yet another huge decision had to be made.  It was also quite terrifying, in it’s own right. Should I quit my job? The adoption specialist was looking for a family that had a parent who could stay home. Luke and I had decided that I was going to stay home when we had/were placed with kids.

BUT time was running out, and school was about to start. I had a very short time before I was supposed to report back to school for “Beginning of the Year Meetings” and to prep my classroom. I was beyond nervous to make this decision. We couldn’t completely afford it. I had applied to work at an online school, so I could work from home. However, this school was notorious for waiting until the very last minute to hire, so that they could see what enrollment numbers would be. My interview was very promising. I thought I might eventually get an offer, but could I quit my job on that hope? Especially not knowing whether or not we would be chosen for these girls.

A dear friend and I decided to fast for a short time for various reasons. One of the things I decided to pray about was the decision to quit, during those prayers I felt God say, “Trust me. Quit.”

Angrily, I countered with, “But first, tell me if we are getting the girls.”

To which, I again heard, “Trust me.”

(I should add here that Luke had been telling me to quit since the end of the last school year.)

I rather grumpily conceded and with the attitude of, “Fine, I’ll text my principal now.”

Bye Bye Classroom

Wouldn’t you know it, not two days later, we got THE CALL.

Categories
Blog

Let Your Heart Take Courage

Sometimes a verse just kicks you in the teeth. It hits you hard and knocks you to the ground and sometimes it kicks you in the teeth, breaks your heart, and then mends pieces you didn’t know were broken. Psalms 27:14 has made me mad, encouraged me, scared me, and then changed my view of God in a completely different way than I ever expected.

Photo courtesy: oilofjoy4u.com
Photo courtesy: oilofjoy4u.com

I’m reading through the Psalms right now and I guess I just passed right by 27:14 and it just wasn’t the right time for it to stick or be used in my heart. I am currently on Psalms 119, and on a side note let me just say you need to read it! So good! Anyway, I passed Psalms 27 awhile ago and it didn’t hit me then. But a few days ago I was reading a blog over at Sacred Ground, Sticky Floors, which I HIGHLY recommend and Jami used this verse. I don’t even remember the context, but immediately it HIT ME. I opened my bible app on my phone and looked up Psalms 27 and I remembered reading it a couple weeks months ago (I’m on the read your bible in three years plan), thinking how did I miss this verse.

Guys, I find myself in an extremely slow and also very fast time of waiting. I don’t know how else to say that, besides that I feel I am constantly in a state of waiting, yet what I am waiting for is right around the corner. It’s a strange feeling, a feeling of deep deep longing and at the same time an anxiety for what is to come. And in this paradox of emotions, God inserts Psalms 27:14. It just stuck, without any effort and played on repeat in my brain. My first-ish thought was GREAT, I’m not getting an answer anytime soon. Perfect. Thanks a lot. (I know… my thoughts are SUPER godly). God clearly wants me to trust Him and wait, which let’s be honest I wasn’t thrilled about. Then it encouraged me, built me up, and empowered me! Yes, Lord I will trust you! You’ve got this! Your way is better than mine and you know what is best. I WILL be strong and courageous. Next came the fear…my kryptonite. Fear rips through my mind, like nothing else. It twists my thoughts and brings doubt and the worst of the worst case scenarios into my heart. It changes a loving God who cares personally for me into an omnipotent deity that will do the worst TO me in order to accomplish His will. Clearly not a good place to be, especially in this state of waiting.

In true Psalms fashion, I did not stay in that horrible state of fear. The Lord swiftly used Psalms 116:7 to remind me of His true nature and my propensity to sway towards that which is terribly negative. I love the gentle rebukes He sends us to bring our hearts back to Him.

 Photo Credit: http://zombiemmanuelle.tumblr.com/?og=1
Photo Credit: http://zombiemmanuelle.tumblr.com/?og=1

Today, Psalms 27:14 changed my view of God, in a much more positive way and hopefully much more permanent way. I started thinking less about the call to wait and more about the “be strong and let your heart take courage” part. God believes that I need to be strong and that my heart needs courage to get through this difficult waiting period. I realized at that moment that I believe God to be up in Heaven shaking His head at me and muttering, “Why can’t she get this right?!!?! I’m God, HELLO BaCall, trust me already!” The God in my head is irritated with my lack of trust, with my inability to get it together already. He’s grumpy with me. BUT does a grumpy, irritated God encourage you with, be strong, take courage? No, the answer is no! I have this personal loving God, who gently tells me it’s really hard, BaCall, I understand more than you can ever imagine. I just need you to be strong right now, let your heart have the courage to trust me and wait. Believe me, it takes courage to do that, but rely on me and I will give you the strength to do it.

That’s the God we have! The loving, encouraging, and slow to anger God that sent His son to save me, not the God grumpy, irritable god that lives in my head when fear and doubt take over.

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Blog

August Celebrations

I just wanted to do a quick update on what has happened in August in the land of paying off student loans. Since we paid off a student loan in June, we saved up and made a $5,000 payment and with the government APLE program I am in (teaching at a low-income school) another $3,000 payment was made…such a huge blessing! So overall last month we paid over $8,500, including our monthly payments.

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

Just to clarify a little, we have two loans left. One is a private student loan that now totals, after our August payments, about $28,000 and then we have a federal student loan totaling about $28,000, as well. We are focusing on paying off the private student loan because the APLE program I am enrolled in and most government loan forgiveness programs only pay on federal loans. So each year that I teach I can receive more loan forgiveness on the federal loan, hence why we are focusing on the private loan.  The $5,000 went to the private loan and the $3,000 went to the federal loan.

Anyway I have to say, since we moved forward with building a house, are preparing to make the down payment, and made the list of things we actually need…kind’ve need…might be necessary… maybe we just really want to buy for the house (a refrigerator is actually necessary right?), I was certainly worried that we would slow down in paying down this debt. But I am so thankful to say that God has kept us on the right track and helped us to stay focused mostly on continuing to pay down the debt. We are using our Apple stock and a couple other investments to make our down payment and we are so grateful that the money we have from these investments almost perfectly covers what we need to make the payment. God has also sent some other jobs for Luke (poor guy…he works hard to provide for us!) that have made it possible to do the couple of things we have deemed necessary to move into our house. So we have had to use very little of our money that would go to paying down student loans for anything house related! 

We are continually amazed, surprised, and ultimately grateful at what God is doing in our lives and how faithful He has been in paying off this debt, providing a house, a new job for Luke, and more importantly growing my faith and trust in Him. My heart has started to turn from a constant need to be reminded that God is faithful, to a slow steady thought process that speaks of His faithfulness. It has been a beautiful melody to my soul and a soothing salve over the anxiety, fear, and doubt that can cloud my heart. I looked forward to what He will do next in my heart and with this debt.

On a totally separate note, please let me encourage you to be a prayer warrior for yourself,  your family and friends, and anyone around you. In my life I have noticed more and more lately that there are so many people around me that are struggling, hurting, and just in need of prayer. Please look for those people in your life and lift them up. My heart is so heavy seeing the illnesses, hurt, and pain of all those around me, so let’s be a community that lifts each other up in prayer to the One who can bring healing, peace, and joy.

Categories
Blog

Loving Kindness

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you a million times!!! I don’t even know how to express the gratitude in my heart towards all of you! Never in my life did I, in my wildest dreams, imagine the sweetness that would pour out on me from this blog. I was TERRIFIED!!! to put this blog out there, where anyone, but the five people I told could read it…

I read and follow a LOT of blogs and I’ve often heard of the negativity that people can have towards and be posted on the walls of blogs…and that scared me a little. I was also super nervous and much more scared that people would think I was crazy for posting my personal business and for believing that God would promise something like paying of thousands of dollars in debt in a year…heck let’s be real sometimes I think I’m crazy for even thinking God would care about student loan debt. Thankfully God is a personal loving God that has plans for our lives that include using the money we make for His glory…not paying off debt F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

All that to say, I was so surprised and encouraged by the outpour of love and support from so many of you.  I have just been so overwhelmed with the beautiful words spoken, texted, emailed, Facebook messaged, and commented here and on Facebook. I honestly never even thought so many people would read my words, much less think they were helpful or encouraging. So thank you from the bottom of my heart and a very very special thank you to my hunny for encouraging me for years to do this! I have cried a many happy, thankful tears for each and every one of you over the last week! So thank you again!

I also want to acknowledge something that I found very interesting this last week…amazing things happened from the outpour of love to financial surprises, and even a miracle (more on that in a bit), but in spite of all of the blessings from the Lord I have felt this strong surge of sadness in my life this week. I don’t know if it’s just been a really weird week or if the darkness that is in this world is just trying to suck all the joy and trusting in the Lord, that has grown in my heart this week, away or what…but it’s also been a rough week. It took me far longer to write this blog than I originally intended because of the sadness and suffering I’ve seen this past week. I was bummed out and sad for my friends, family, and so many people around the world.

BUT I am refusing to let the sorrow in this world drown out the blessings the Lord has given through your words and loving kindness! I have to say I have truly felt the Lord’s loving kindness through each of you. He has spoken to me directly through you and I am so encouraged to continue this journey of trusting the Lord, paying off debt, and sharing His story of faithfulness to you through this blog. Thank you for praying for increased trust in the Lord because it is truly growing in my heart, even as I type while blubbering. I may or may not be an emotional wreck from all of your sweetness and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Please keep praying for funds and most importantly growth in faith and trusting my dear, personal, compassionate, loving God. Thank you ohhhhh so very MUCH!

Ps my next blog will share some exciting blessings in March AND a true blue miracle! Stay tuned!

Categories
Finance

Faithful

God is faithful!

Isn’t that awesome?!?!? I’m a little teary eyed over here… the exciting news hoped for last week is… we paid off another loan today! $8,000!!!!  I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a lot to me! I had NO idea at the beginning of this year that come February 2nd we would have saved $8,000 to put towards paying off a loan. We had some of the money saved from the end of last year, but a good portion of it we saved from this last month (EVERYBODY that includes Christmas and buying our loved ones presents). How can this be? Oh wait… God is Faithful!

This got me thinking about budgeting and paying off debt vs just spending the money we make…with our budget, living with my in-laws, and the faithfulness of Christ we have been able to save $8,000 in about 3 months. WOW!!! I had no idea we even had that much money or spent that much money. I worked my whole first year of teaching and yes we had rent and such, but we really saved nothing to pay extra on our debt…and in three months of working at it (I should say three paychecks not exactly 3 months) we saved that much money?!?!? We have always had a budget and really stuck to it, especially while I was in school, but last year we didn’t save or succeed in paying off debt when we finally had the money too do so; we just spent. I am learning a lesson I didn’t plan on, when you don’t save you spend so much more than you realize! I really want to be a good steward, even after paying off debt! I am so thankful for this unexpected lesson.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…the numbers! So we moved in to my in-laws at the beginning of August. From August through December we paid off two loans totaling a little over $10,000. From the end of December until today, February 2nd, we paid off another loan, just over $8,000. Let me say it again, GOD is FAITHFUL!!! I’m gonna geek out on numbers for a second…so hold on…that means we have paid OFF $18,000 in about six months and with our monthly payments included we have actually paid about $23,000 total towards student loans in those six months. WHOOOHHOOO!!! Here is where it gets a little complicated to explain…we are walking with the Lord towards the goal of $54,000 paid OFF in 2015. That goal includes paying off the three private student loans we have. $54,000 was the round estimate of those three loans. We have paid off a little over $8,000 of that with the loan we paid off today. Which would leave us with $46,000 to pay off the rest of this year, BUT (the Lord is Faithful) when I went back to add up the two private loans we have left I got $43,500 not $46,000 and lets be real $2,500 less is a whole month of saving!!!

 

The next loan we hope to pay off is closer to $10,000. Please pray with us for the money to pay that one off as soon as possible so we can start tackling the BIG BEHEMOTH, which is closer to $34,000. We will continue to believe that the Lord is faithful and trust in Him.

More importantly please pray that we grow closer to the Lord and trust in Him more and more each day!

Next post I will share some tips on how we are sticking to our budget, admits living in the real world and still actively loving on people.

Categories
Finance

A New Year and a New Adventure

Welcome to my new adventure! I say new adventure, but I’m really hoping this is more like the third part of The Hobbit, the home stretch of a journey with new adventure of it’s own. Don’t worry, I’m long winded, I’ll catch you up on parts one and two. This adventure is about faith, trusting the Lord, and debt. It seems odd or unusual to write that sentence… faith, trust, and DEBT. But that is exactly what this adventure is about…

THE CURRENT ADVENTURE aka Part 3 of The Hobbit:

December 30th is the day this leg of the adventure started, I spent some time with some godly women whom the Lord used to plant prayers, thoughts, ideas, curiosity, and most importantly faith into my heart. Henceforth was born this plan:

Luke (see part 1 & 2 for who that guy is) and I plan to spend the next 12 months working our tails off and (more so) trusting the Lord to pay off $54,000 in debt. As you might have guessed we don’t have  or make all the money it would take to pay this off, hence the faith and trust. (If you have really big faith pray for $66,000).  More on the current adventure to come.

*It is really nerve-wracking and quite vulnerable to put these numbers online. Please be kind with this knowledge.

Part 1:

This journey started in 2004, maybe even before… wanting to live for Christ was my intention, but I didn’t know how to or where to turn. There were things: hurts, abuses, and people in my life that  hindered me and some that I allowed to hinder me in my journey towards and with Christ. My seventeen year old self, with much thought and prayer, decided escape was the best route. I did well in school and maybe I should have applied to many schools, cheaper schools, but Azusa Pacific University was on my mind and in my heart. A private, Christian university sounded like the perfect place to get rid of and escape from those things and also a great place to grow. And I did!

I grew in my faith by leaps and bounds and started the lifelong journey of eradicating those things from within me. It was a long, hard, tumultuous, exciting, fun, and humbling year. Some unforeseen circumstances led me to only spend the one year at Azusa. I continued my higher education at a slightly (very very slightly) less expensive private Christian school, Fresno Pacific University. I loved my time there and continued to grow and mature in my faith, which led me to an amazing church, wonderful Christian friends, and to one of my greatest blessings, my husband Luke.

Maybe you see where this is going or maybe you already know because you’ve spent at least a minute with me… Either way the answer is a big fat student loan… student loansssssss, I should say. Tens of thousands, lots of tens of thousands of dollars. I try really hard to be smart with money…to be a good steward, to honor the Lord with my spending, saving, and such. But lots of tens of thousands of dollars in debt does not sound honoring to me. I struggle with this a lot…was I not following the Lord when I took out these loans? Did I mishear His direction? Or was this just His plan? I honestly don’t know, but here I am and I can say I’ve grown closer to the Lord through my time at both universities and He is molding me into who He wants me to be.

Apparently who He wants me to be next is someone who has stronger faith, trusts Him completely, and who has no or at the very least much less debt.

Part 2:

In 2010 I married Luke and we started dreaming of our future and what the Lord has for us to do. We decided/discovered that adoption, having children, being debt-free, and possibly having some sort of home that we care for/ invite people into make the list. So we decided in August 2014 to move in with Luke’s parents who graciously obliged. Thus far we have lived in their beautiful home and have been greatly blessed by them for five months and have paid off about $10,000 in student loans (that is not part of the $54,000 we are aiming for in the next 12 months).  As you can see much more hard work and faith are needed to make this happen and we are ready to see the faithfulness of the Lord in however he sees fit to show it.