Three Girls – Trusting In The Dark

The night before we met our children, we traveled three hours north to prepare. Part of preparing for our meeting was preparing a backpack full of activities for the girls, special photo albums of us and our live, and a special stuffed animal for each of the girls.

God’s plan is always so interesting to watch unfold and such a huge blessing. I often found my breath taken away as another one of His miracles, whether big or small, was revealed. Luke and I had no idea that we would be preparing to bring home children so quickly, so many, or from so far away. We saved and prepared our home as much as we could for two children, not knowing their ages. Our family and friends blessed us with a gift card shower.

Now, traveling once to a location a few hours away would be no big deal, right? But that is not what we were doing. The social workers came up with a four-week plan to transition the girls to our home. It was made very clear that the more time we spent with them the easier the transition would be. They wanted us there on the weekends and during the week, increasing each stay as we went along. During our classes, we learned if our children were from out of the county, there would be traveling involved and a period of transition. I don’t think we imagined it would mean a month of traveling, though.

This meant that we needed a place to stay on and off for the next few weeks. First, we looked into staying at a hotel. The area wasn’t great, and the decent hotels were pretty outrageous in price, at least for stays up to four days at a time. I began to panic. Ya know, I sometimes wonder what God’s reaction is to my panic and worry. Does He laugh? Shake His head? Get frustrated as I imagine I would, or does He repeatedly whisper, “My dear sweet daughter, I have this under control.”?

Luke and I were both unfamiliar with the area, so we didn’t immediately realize that his aunt and uncle lived 45 minutes away from where the girls were. His aunt and uncle live in a beautiful home that just happens to have a full one bedroom apartment attached to it. They were more than happy to let us use it as we saw fit for the next 3ish weeks.

It was a huge blessing, especially for me, as I have a habit of being quite terrified of hotels. Bugs. Yuck. Luke doesn’t put any of our luggage down when we travel until I have thoroughly inspected the hotel room, because my anxiety is on high alert. So, having this apartment was a HUGE financial saving grace. It helped me not to freak out over bugs. It also meant we didn’t have to check-in and out of hotels for three weeks and later would prove very useful with three kids! We were beyond grateful.

His provisions only continued during this time. As I look back, I remember feeling like we were constantly surrounded by reassurances that this was His plan. We were walking in His will. These were our children and He had everything under control. Another blessing I vividly remember was Luke’s brother and sister-in-law buying us a car seat. That was huge, because we needed THREE of those things!!! Car seat laws are no joke, my friend, and of course, with good reason. Luke’s boss was also extremely understanding, flexible, and blessed us immensely during this time.

I cannot even come close to listing all of the blessings we received during this time. Our cups overflowed with blessing.

Along with financial and logistical concerns, I heard the words of the adoption specialist repeated over and over in my head as we waited the rest of the week to meet our girls. She told us at our disclosure meeting that one of our children was extremely introverted, refused to look at or have any interactions with anyone other than the foster parents. The social workers would be looking to her to decide when the girls could come home with us. This meant if she did not feel comfortable with us after four weeks, the timeframe would be extended and extended until she was ready. This child hadn’t even acknowledged or made eye contact with the social worker she’d being meeting with for over a year. She struggled to connect.

To put it lightly, I was nervous. Could she connect with us? Would she like us? Would she like me?

When I looked at the phone and saw the Koinonia phone number, I thought Jessica must have finished that last section of paperwork a day early.

There are stories about what was about to take place, but this kind of stuff happens to other people, right?! I was not prepared for what came next. We were NOT certified yet. We were still supposed to be waiting at least three more weeks and waiting was the name of this game, wasn’t it? I mean, we’d spent much of the last seven months…waiting. I was prepared for waiting for the first time. Yet God had other plans.

Jessica wasn’t calling to tell me that she was done. She was calling to tell me we were one of “those people”. The people that for some reason are called BEFORE they are even certified. (Here, I need to make a side note. I fully believe that everyone in this process will get matched/placement, when God has found the child or children that you are meant to be parents to. In some cases that may be parenting those children for a short time and other times it will end in adoption, but either way waiting a minute or two years is waiting, no matter, how excruciating, for your child(ren).)

She told me that she just got an email about THREE little girls that she thought would be perfect for Luke and I. I just about fainted. Three kids at once… and before we were even done being certified. The girls were 1, 3 (actually she was 2 at the time, but would be three by the time we met her), and 4.

Were we interested, she asked??? “Um I have to call Luke,” was my response. What else could I say? Luke had given me authority to say yes and no as I pleased, but we didn’t know calls were going to come so soon (it can take months or even years to be matched). And we had said we would take up to three children, but were we sure? I surely wasn’t at that moment, zero to three is a big jump, crazy if you will. Could we handle three children? Were we ready and able to parent that many kids? Jessica, said she would email me the details on the girls and to call her back ASAP because it is VERY important to get your name in right away.

Now I will let you in on something I did not know when we entered into this process. Your yes does not mean you get the child/children. When you say yes to a child or children, your home study is then placed into the ‘yes’ pile. Social workers typically take 20-40 home studies. This is why you want to say yes quickly. If you take too long, they will not accept your home study. The social worker then narrows it down from there. Therefore, it is possible to say yes to many children and not be placed with any of them. This usually happens with the matching process, but less often if you are doing foster care only.

So I called Luke. He almost had a heart attack.

We prayed, and called Jessica back with a YES!

And then the whole waiting part of this journey was over and everything went speedy fast from there.

HAHA, Just kidding. Nope. Next, we waited weeks for the adoption specialist to pick a family for these sweet girls. This would be the longest and most difficult emotional waiting we would do so far. Would it be us?