I heard the call as if it was spoken aloud to me. It was direct and clear. My heart, unflinchingly and whole-heartedly said YES! I remember this moment like it was mere seconds ago. It was one of those moments when obedience to what God is calling you to almost seems too easy and I can honestly say that though I have always strived for obedience, it doesn’t always rarely comes easily for me. This wasn’t one of those times in my faith where the Lord and I were on a mountain top, lest you believe His callings come only at the best of times. During this time in my life my faith was growing, changing, and it was scary, sharp, pointy and difficult. My faith was becoming my own, a relationship with the Lord. It was wonderful and terrible, beautiful and terrifying. This calling can at the perfect time, something to hang on to and make Romans 8:23 all the more real and tangible to me. I clung to Romans 8 at this time in my life, nothing could separate me from His love.
I was 19, driving through Fresno and listening to Focus on the Family or something like it, on adoption. I’m not sure if the point was to encourage people to adopt or if adoption was just a piece of someone’s story, but in that moment I heard, “You are meant to adopt”. To love someone, who may not have felt love otherwise, yes Lord! My heart soared! I want to love like you have loved me, well at least to the best of my ability and He called so I believed He would provide the love.
I dove in. I researched, I went to classes on the different types of adoption. I majored in psychology and I wrote research papers on attachment theory for adopted children. I knew the time wasn’t quite right, but I wanted to prepare. When I met Luke at 21, I remember one of my most important make or break our relationship questions was how do you feel about adoption. He was more than favorable to the idea. We got married when I was 23 and years went by, sometimes I wondered did you really call Lord. Why is it taking so long? When will it be our time to adopt? To have children? It hurt to wait, to have a calling and not be able to act on it. But my heart would never let go and Luke carried that calling in his heart with me, never letting me lose hope. The Lord was and still is preparing the way to our children.
Ten years have passed since that day in my car.